Things are not good.
Definitely not looking up.
I try so hard to function normally, but constantly struggle.
One of the reason I don't share my thoughts a lot, first of all, I'm very embarrassed.
Or rather, I'm ashamed.
I don't understand how I don't have the strength to do even the most basic of human beings,
to survive.
I don't have anything that I hate.
I don't have anything that I like too.
I just told a friend of mine in a birthday greeting sort of phone call, jokingly, that I have an existential crisis, I don't want to do anything, I just want to exist, but hell, if truth be told, I don't even want to exist.
I am a failure.
I am weak.
I can't amount to anything.
but I'm a master of disguise, people look at me and think positivity.
I smile. I crack jokes. I encourage.
Because it's too painful to be like me.
Why? I have no reason to be so depressed. But I am.
And I can't help it.
I don't know when will I crack.
In fact, I don't know anything anymore.
Life Sucks. I Suck.
I distance myself from everyone because I'm not worth having around.
You, my friend, as you're reading this, have absolutely no idea how much I wish for an accident to happen and just end me. Because, I can't find meanings. But I act like I do.
You know who I relate to? Robbin Williams. But at least he put smiles on people's faces.
Who can I do?
