fear

Fear. Or the super positive people like to say its not that real, it exists entirely in your imagination. But, no matter how courageous you are, there's bound to be something in your system, imagination or whatever, that you simply can't face up to. That something that when it creeps into your life,  you can't help but to look the other way and pretend that its not there, and never was there.

Me,  I'm afraid that when I die, I'll just be the me, today. I dont do self hurting or secret cutter or the likes of it, but I dont exactly, like myself to be just this way. Its disappointing, to feel like I'm a liability all the freaking time.

You know you hurt inside, you feel like running away. You feel like all the crap has no meaning. But, suddenly, you'll feel the pull factors of life. The books you bought that was supposed to make you better, now, accumulating dust in the corner, waiting for you to flip it open again.

So, to be or not to be....?

Reverie

reverie

ˈrɛv(ə)ri/

noun

1. 1.

   a state of being pleasantly lost in one's thoughts; a daydream.

   "a knock on the door broke her reverie"

   synonyms:

   daydream, daydreaming, trance, fantasy, vision, fancy,hallucination, musing

   this is an amazing word. 

   
   

   After being in this world for a while now, you'll soon realise that Life isn't exactly a bed of roses. 

   There's supposed to be pains, sufferings, hardship, just so that you'll start to remember and feel the esctasy of all the good things that has happened to you, but this euphoric sensation usually sets in after the bad part is over. 

   
   

   And before its over, you'll usually be in a state of self-pitying, agonizing moments just wishing that everything is just a fleeting moment, that the world would soon end. But, however you hang on and wait, its just doesn't seem like it will be happening anytime soon, then you finally decide that you've had enough, stretch out your hands and drag yourself out of this abyss of darkness. Knowing that only you yourself has the power to give yourself the death sentence, and you, apparently, are not quite ready for that, as yet. 

   
   

   Sometimes, pain won't go away as you keep thinking about it. it will take a little bit of patience. Sometimes, you just have to wait it out. While waiting, probably allow yourself to slip into the reverie of goods that have happened, or the incoming goodness that you perceive for your life. 

Dawn’s Life List 24/03/2014

1.    Learn Spanish
2.          Go travelling in Different Countries. Korea. Japan. Nepal. Vatican. Ireland. Africa. London. USA. Vietnam. Philippines. Indonesia. Cuba. Mongolia.
   3.      Learn to let go. Understand that Life doesn’t always go the way you want it to, and there’s probably nothing much that could be done about it. The things that are being let go might seem like a huge change, but you’ll never know, it could be the most positive change that could happen.
   4.      Talk to people nicely. Being quick-tempered is a shortcoming that can be overcome if you would just think before speaking. Do not be so quick to judge and snap. People don’t know how you feel and what you are experiencing, they don’t deserve to be abused because you had a bad day.
   5.      Smile. Even when you don’t feel like it. Being bitter doesn’t stop bad things from happening in your life. But, a smile will energize you and make it easier to face the challenges ahead of you, as compared to doing things glumly with a slouch.
   6.      Allow yourself time to be with yourself. You’ll be amazed at the power of a long walk all by yourself. The solitude gives you the capacity to handle all the clutters in your life.
   7.      Learn to say No. it seems so simple that it’s almost idiot-proof. But not many people can stand the looks of disappointment and dismay in others’ eyes. That’s why they find it hard to reject. Not saying to be close-minded to opportunities, but rather the temptations which could really take your time away from things you really want to do, as opposed to things others want you to do.
   
   

Forever alone

I love to watch drama. A lot.
I love to read. A lot.
All because it puts me in the state of mind of the people in the stories.
Because it seems all too interesting. Much better than mine.
People are just more daring, to live their lives. They are not as afraid to be noticed,  as I am, always.
As I watch about people having the love of their lives, I'm envious. Because, I dare not love. I don't feel worthy enough to be loved. And for people who cares about me, I feel that they are looking at the wrong person, and I do everything in my way to push them away. Sad, isnt it?
I'm always thinking perhaps, I'll have the love of my life one day. But I think I'll be too coward to do anything about it, probably let it slip away as well. Because its painful enough to keep disappointing myself,  leave other innocent souls out of it.
Oh. Maybe I'm just thinking too much? 
Maybe, I'm just gonna be another person unnoticeable by the world.
Live. Work. Eat. Die. Forever. Alone.

为什么要说话?

有时候很想沉默。
不。多数的时候很想这世界除了音乐没有别的声音。
不想说话, 为什么也错了。
难道就不能接受我就是个沉默寡言的人吗?
We all love to think we are not alone, that human beings are creatures who live in communities. Communication is so overrated. Why are we talking to impress all the time? Its awfully tiring, isn't it?

When can I truly be the quiet introverted person I like to think I can, live alone. Not talk to anyone, and spend my days like that on month's ends?

And why is it that when someone chooses to keep mum, people will start to assume that there's something wrong? I'm just trying to be me.

Some people likes to talk. Some just don't. And unfortunately I happen to fall into the category of the latter. That's why I strongly believe I should get out and live alone. That way, I wont irk anyone by just being who I am.

Enough said. Good night!

sometimes it's just so hard

Really, I never thought I'll do this, start another blog so that people who don't look hard enough, wouldn't really find out who I really am.

I just want to say my piece without being judged.

Seriously, life sucks.

Everyone always love to think they know themselves well.
But, do they really? Do I really?

I had a stable job when I graduated, I had it good in fact. Money isn't a big issue, at all. But I was proud. I thought I'm special, and I want to be special. This is the part where you allow other people to talk you into a dream of theirs, making you think it is what you want in life. Walking a path of disdain, becoming judgemntal of other people when all they wanted were to be normal. then, all the downhills, life going haywired.

Struggling to make ends meet, and still too coward to admit that perhaps being normal can be a blessing too.