受够了

我, 再也不会不会让人任意摆布, 践踏自己。我一直以为忍耐是一种尊重, 所以不会轻易对别人发飙。尽管自己的心里有多委屈。然, 原来"人的忍耐是有限度" 这句话的体会是这样的。
我以为是双赢的局面, 竟然是你口中的施舍, 那么说来, 我也可以不需要你的施舍。如此一来, 你可以不必再作你所谓的付出, 我也不必接受你随时随地的冷嘲热讽。
说实话, 我下去帮忙并不是为了你所以为是的安定, 而是因为你开口叫到。
你总以为没有人会像你这样'好心', 但是在我眼里, 再亲的亲人也没有权利的时时刻刻, 恶言相向。我在这社会大学里也打滚了十余年, 我从没有像今时今日这样每一天都觉得被羞辱。仿佛全世界只有一把尺, 就是你, 只要跟你的想法和作法不同, 就是错误。你如果错了, 那是情有可原, 别人若是错了, 就是白痴笨蛋加三级。
我, 因为你, 可能很快就离开, 咱们走着瞧。

Motivation

l think I have been unhappy long enough, it is agonizing to live every single day like it's a drag. You'll feel painfully alone in all the ordeals that you have to go through and you have no one to turn to. Talking to anyone Seems like the last option for fear that you'll be seen as weak or worse, whiney. And it just dawned on me that I have to Snap out of this sentiment sooner or later, if so, why not make it sooner.
I am not the centre of the universe, the world doesn't revolves around me. Life doesn't go the way I want it to simply because I'm bitter about it, and I have to Come to accept it, adapt myself to the world and be the best that I can.
I had always been a pushover in my life, listening to people had became such an integral part of me that I Sometimes forget that I am entitled to having an opinion as well.
I used to read a lot of Self-help books for personal development, which I had not done for quite a while, busy work schedule Was just an excuse for myself to not remind me of my inadequacy, which only serves to bruise my ego further.
Today, I Wish I'm better than myself before. I wish for an opportunity to turn back time but that wasn't an option. So, here l am , making the conscious decision to be the best of me, for me. To stand up for myself and be strong, to Turn a deaf ear to negativities and focus on the good. To be thankful and show gratitude and appreciation for people who crossed my path And Made it better.
Last but not the least, to give the 'million dollar smile' to anyone and everyone, because NO one deserves your bitterness. I remembered reading a quote that says' laughter is the shortest distance between 2 hearts. ' l just want to create pleasant memories to remember people by and for them to remember me by.
Now I seriously understand what it's like to be positive and be negative. And I'd Made my decision to be better than that. Not allowing myself to be daunted by the Circumstances in life.
OK! Ciaoz!

厌恶

如果活在这个世界上，每个人都跟你说，要怎么过活是你自己的选择，那么，我也能选择不要活不吗？反正，也是选择嘛。
我讨厌我自己，我不喜欢行尸走肉的自己，更讨厌儒弱敢怒不敢言的自已，我觉得我什么权利也不配拥有, 我好想结束这一切, 这是忧郁症吗? 如果是的话, 有人忧郁到死吗?
我不快乐, 尽管我的面皮是张笑脸, 那也只是我脸上的面具, 用来面对这个世界。快乐这个词汇对我来说, 太遥远。想逃。 这个世界不像是我的世界, 我不属于这里, 然, 我不属于任何地方, 所以, 我消失, 也许是最美好的办法。

自由与稳定

人生于世上无法所有事情都尽如人意，有时我们必须于稳定的生活与自由的日子之间做出诀择。快乐来自于可以对身边重要的人负责任，也可以是因为自己不顾一切地寻找自己生命之中的快活与潇遥。
生命中有我们无以负加的重量，亦有我们所不能承受的轻。说到来，也只能看当事人加何去选择。
我有一颗游子的 心，却被生活逼得挷手挷脚地，然，这一切也没有让我意志消沉，只要我能把今天掌控得很好，迟早我能在覆行我的责任之余，得到我自己心中的平静，不过我也明白这一切并非三两下功夫就能办到的。
须知，不经一番寒澈骨，哪得梅花扑鼻香。
如果，自由的代价是奋斗一段日子，我也就认了，倘若，自由的代价是家人的怨怠与三食不继，那我宁愿不要什么自由，因为那不是自由，那是自己的自私自利，是活该被千夫所指，被万人所唾弃的。
所谓，人有所为，有所不为，私慾是必然的，否则如何称之为人呢？但，绝计不能为了成就－已私慾而忘了家人与身边人的存在。
现下我眼前的事就快点把工作学上手，好让为了我而有所牺牲的身边的人能够轻松些，不至于所有的苦功都是白费的。
休息，对现在的我来说是一种奢侈，直到我感记到温缓的署光打在我的脸上，再来稍作休息也不迟。现在是报答的时候了。
加油吧，路还长着呢。
记着，孟了曰：天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，饿其体肤，劳其筋骨，行拂乱其所为，所以动心忍性。
晚安。

学习与成长

每一个人都有自己想要拥有的明天, 想象着自己理想达成的时候会有多么的满足。然而, 许多人只是干坐着, 等待这么一天的降临, 就犹如一个饥渴的旅者, 向天张大口, 等着天绛甘露般, 幸运的话, 可能会有一场及时雨, 为他解决了当下的渴, 然, 人生当中, 能有多少场这样的及时雨。
所以, 我觉得, 倒不如自己想方设法找水源, 倘若想要怀抱自己的梦想, 就让自己变得更好, 至少, 今天的我, 要比昨日的我更加优秀, 才能一步一脚印, 踏上自己向往的明天。
要成为一名实践者, 必先虚心学习。人生的实习不如在学校一般刻板, 每个人也有他的速度, 学习进度快固然理想, 但是, 欲速则不达。当然, 不要当个慢郎中, 因为, 拖延的只是自己辛苦的时间, 且让自己被生活的困苦或不如意消磨自己的意志罢了。
但凡做每件事都要有时间感, 不要让自己松懈得太多, 否则会习惯成自然, 变得怠惰, 而一旦惰性根深蒂固, 就很难再次提起劲去冲刺了。
学习, 是个毕生的过程, 必定有它的困难, 根本就不是件容易的事, 所以要培养好自己的心性, 不要让自己成为自己学习的绊脚石。

站在外面看自己

这个世界上最自以为是的人, 是谁?
其实, 望向一副镜子就见到了。
为什么呢? 别的不说吧, 就说说对自己的了解, 每一个人都以为,你知道你自己想要些什么, 就算不是很明确, 也至少有个大方向。
从前, 我也以为我是这样的一个人。
然而, 家里出了点事情, 我必须放下手中的工作, 外面的一切, 帮手打理家族生意。我以前也曾经想象过, 这样的状况, 以为我会很排斥, 结果, 好像考虑也不需要地应允了。所以, 我突然间发现自己也没那么讨人厌, 并不是全然的自私自利。
其实, 我家人和我都是那种闷骚型的, 从不怎么用言语去表明关心, 通常只是行动, 然, 过去几天, 我看到了, 沟通, 关心, 对话, 牺牲, 让我由衷地感动。

Different

Yeah... I know I was different since I was very much younger, I played around with boys more, it's always been harder for me to look at girls in the eyes, especially if they are cute, it makes me nervous,
And that was when I was about 10 years old. I felt like an oddball, so I keep to myself a lot, because I did not want anyone to find out what I was like.
In secondary school, I started developing a crush for a classmate, but I was so much in denial that I told myself I wanted to be her best friend, that she's a really nice person, when in fact, I just wanted to hear her voice and see her face, somehow, we drifted apart as we went to different electives, no longer talking as often, I then found out that she has a boyfriend already,  nearly heartbroken.
Until a couple of years ago, I was hanging out with my old classmate, that she told me she'd suspected that I liked that girl all along, and that she later had a few girlfriends as well. Well, being the coward I usually am, I denied.
It wasn't until Polytechnic that I met my first girlfriend, that the feelings had became so stronger I could no longer lie to myself. I thought of myself to be bi. We were merely together for 3 months, mainly splitted due to personality issue, and also because I wanted to be more musculine and not the femme in the relationship. But this relationship was my first step towards accepting myself for being myself.
Today, I only have had 2 girlfriends so far, but I know, I could never be with a guy anymore, they just dont make my heart race. I'm not a man-hater, I have lots of great guy friends, but I just want to hold the soft body of another girl.

Well, I can only say, dont be in a hurry to jump to conclusion,  or conform to social standards, just keep an open eye and open mind,  look around, when you figure it out, you just do.

S.E.E

I've learnt these long ago, while I was still in the Food & Beverage Service Line. 
SMILE
ENTHUSIASM
EYE CONTACT

Smile. 
The best way to shorten the distance between two hearts is a truthful smile. 
Being caught up in your own immediate reality, really caused you to neglect your own expression. 
We often forget to smile, simply because there are just too much on our mind. 
However, precisely the reason why it is so important to do what most people forget to do, a sincere smile breaks the ice between 2 strangers. 

Enthusiasm
Most of the time, enthusiasm is being underrated. It is so fundamental that we failed to see the importance of it. It's in everything that we do. Our actions and our body language, our tone when we speaks, it helps to emphasize and convey clearly our message to the other party. It also gives us a sense of security as it helps to maintain our passion towards the things we do. 

Eye Contact
Eye Contact shows others what kind of person we are, it denotes our sincerity and confidence when we speak. Someone who keeps avoiding eye contact during a conversation, almost always give the impression of being secretive and shifty, as though there's something up their sleeves, when in fact, it could just be that this person is nervous around the company, or the ongoing topics. And honestly, it takes practice to be able to look at everyone and anyone in the eyes during a conversation, because, I believe, no matter how outspoken you are, there are bound to be someone who intimidates you, and you'll get cold feet if you were to carry out a normal conversation with this person. 

Volatility

I just realised. I am super emotional. Recently.
I'm practically drowning in my own emotions and thoughts most of the time. It is very unlike the usual me. You know, I used to write, to let off steam, but I was either expressionless or smiling, people around me probably only know me superficially,  only people who are important to me will start to know my thoughts, or rather, could tell when I'm genuinely smiling, or just part of the defense mechanism.
But lately, I feel the overwhelming needs to breakdown and cry several times, to run away from everything and everyone. I am wary of everything others said to me. I became paranoid. I keep feeling that I am inadequate for anything good going for me. I turn to writing, but what used to help me channel my aggression, grief or whatsoever, no longer works. In fact, it became worse. I just feel myself diminishing. My emotions are so volatile that I go from being on cloud nine to the deepest part of the valley with just a sentence from others. This change sometimes comes so rapidly that it scares me, because I wonder when I'll reach my threshold and decide to throw myself in front of a moving car. But I just thought it's selfish to do it for my instant gratification, but someone else, as in the driver, lives in guilt all his/her life.
When I thought of this, reminded me of 'Counting Stars' by One Republic.
'Old, but I'm not that old, young, but I'm not that bold'.
Nothing in this world seems to hold any appeal for me anymore. Everything just feel like a living hell every single day. :(

Self-deprecating

I remembered how I used to shout out to my friends in school whenever we see each other, I'd say HOSEHBO! And I'm totally interested when I said that. For those who are clueless,  its simply means isn't life great for you? It was always super enthusiastic,  I could not have imagine at that point of time, that a decade down the road, there are so many times, we asked 'How are you?' So many times but simply for formality's sake, and that I might not be really interested, but really asking because I got something to talk to you, and the question was merely to start the ball rolling.
Sad,  don't you think?
When have I stopped being enthusiastic about life's possibilities?
When have I stopped being interested in people around me?
When have I stopped being sincerely?
Looking back, its depressing to realise that I went from being genuinely interested in people, to dread talking to anyone at all at times. I shut everyone out!
I realised it is time to stop doing this to myself, it's killing me from inside. Being enthusiatic does not equates to being immature, it's about being passionate about Life, people and the things you do.
First step.
SMILE!

小宇宙

最近, 迷上网上观看视频, 尤其是一些网络红人的视频, 总觉得她们都好敢做敢为, 很有爆发力, 很多的她们甚至会在视频的里头传达她们的一些很正面的讯息, 偶然间, 我发现我关注的那些人很多都只是二十出头的年龄。
当然, 一个人的成熟与否, 跟实际年龄未必是成正比的, 但是, 这个发现让我意识到什么是蹉陀岁月。当我在她们那年龄, 什么社会意识, 什么精彩人生, 甚至在我脑海里没有存在的空间, 我当时的生活, 只有, 工作, 喝酒, 玩乐。我一直活在自己的小宇宙里, 对外界几乎不闻不问。
所以, 没有所以。
我的周围的人都说我有点自闭, 总用一些不着边际的废话来搪塞别人的关心。我决定, 要用多点心去关心别人, 不要只是存活, 我要过好我的人生。
每个人都有自己的至命伤, 一些难以启齿的畏惧, 但是我要战胜我的恐惧, 且跳出以往的阴霾, 我要扩大我的小宇宙。

晚安!

Self-absorbed

I've no idea if anyone is reading this, or perhaps its just my own self who really cares what goes on in my life. But really, if u read this, give me a sign,  leave a comment. Makes me realise I'm not just talking to myself.

I was talking previously about how adamant about me leaving my job, how I had a revelation, and that I was so sure of my decision. Well, not anymore. I'm not done yet. And I applaud myself for that.

I spoke to my manager about my suicidal thoughts on the job, about how devastated I was that no matter how much effort I put in, it seems so insignificant compared to the blunders I've made. I felt that I was no good for anything, how I have the special ability to just mess up a simple thing with a snap of my fingers. She told me otherwise, she had told me that my effort was seen, and I had made real progress in the past months, and the reason they rode me so hard was that they thought it'd make me even better. She told me she was glad I've opened up about my real opinions on the job and not just some politically correct answers like I always used to give.
When I told her I was 80% sure I want to leave, she'd told me by the progress I've made, im so not done yet.
And here I am. I suppose I will give it another go. With a limit of 6 months to see where I'll go. And I love how the law of attraction works, once I made this decision to stay on, I see even more advancement in my job.
Now, I realised I have to be less self-absorbed and stop seeing things on the surface, nobody will know what I'm thinking unless I share my thoughts, and that's what I'll do, it will not be easy, given that I prefer to write where only perfect strangers see and hold my silence in person.
Thanks for reading anyways, whoever you are. 

Decisions

It's amazing how a single moment changes everything, creates a paradigm shift.
Perhaps, let's get started on the 'before'.
There used to be times when I believed I am capable of extraordinary feats, and I had thought it was what I've always wanted. And as all these stories go, I've had a number of setbacks, it made me all the more fired up, because it's what you'll have to go through inevitably, in order to be somebody.
I tried and failed, tried again, failed again, I thought maybe its the wrong field, maybe another industry. I changed, tried and failed again... same thing happened after a few times, I switched playing field again, and now am notoriously known as job-hopper amongst peers.
I am not sure what physiological, or psychological changes went through me, but I had a revelation, that the reasons things are simply not happening to me is because, its not what I want. I can lie to the whole world, but I cant lie to myself. I strongly believe that if a job pushes you to the brink of suicide, its probably time to pause and think.
I was talking with my baby sister about all these and she was appalled, told me there's not second choice about this, I have to stop. But I was torn, I refuse to be a quitter, thats when she shared with me her recent honeymoon trip to Maldives, gave her time to think what are the things that kept her going in difficult times, turns out, it was not complicated at all, by saying that, I meant the simpler pleasures in living a life, looking at the skies. Its not the high-handed life of branded bags, expensive cars, priviledge club memberships.
Then, I understood.
And I told her I'll resign, I could tell she was genuinely glad for me. All these was 2 nights ago.

Yesterday's and this morning, I had no troubles waking up at all, because I'm no longer sick to the core about going to work. I stop dreading it, because the decision had taken the pressure off everything. I just want to sing and dance and celebrate the decision!!

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what I do, as long as its authentically me. I just want to be a smiling person with a quiet soul. I dont need a say in anybody else's life, except my own. I don't need to answer the damned phone when I don't feel like it. I don't need to pretend that I'm okay and motivated when its eating me out. I don't need to have people teaching me how to talk to certain people, if I dont feel like it, I just don't.

Sorry if this bores you, I was just having a moment with myself. :)

放手还是放弃。

这个世界有时候很奇怪。
有些理念告诉你，不要强求，不要执著，要懂得放手。
有些人告诉你，要获得就要付出，直到你吃饭呼吸睡觉都在想着你的目标，你就离成功不远。

所以？什么时候，放弃继续是放开执著，什么时候的放弃是半途而废。

我是个很简单的人，满足于很简单的东西，比如，时间，看世界，平静。
然，我又是个摇摆不定的人，别人只要一直灌输我某种思想，渐渐地，我会以为我就是某种人。曾几何时，我花了几年的时间摸索着人生，才发现，我的快乐，真的很简单。物质生活，刚好就好，其它的奢侈品，可有可无。

我以为，我很有野心。但是，我想散步的心比野心还大，野心不足以让我费尽所有心思，它会让我害怕，会让我迷失。有些人，是天生的领导者，我，是天生的脱队者，我不想领导群雄，我只想一个人去骑车，旅行，吃饭，看书。不怎么想知道别人的想法，局限别人的想法，塑造别人的人生，这个压力太大，说实话，也不关我的事。
所以，我想放手了。
做我自己，过我自己的生活。快乐与否，我自己负责。
是吊儿郎当? 还是随遇而安？真的，只是毫无意义的形容词。

When you were lost

Sometimes, the things that are happening to you at the present moment can feel very overwhelming, like it occupies your entire living space, and failing of which to look at these issues, it shows your mindlessness and carelessness.
But, if you would just take a step back and look at the situation, it just seems so surreal, like it didnt even matter, to a big extent.
However, most of the times, we are blindsided by all these fiascos that we might not have the mental capacity or insights to look at things objectively,  and honestly, probably need to find someone whom you are comfortable, to talk to. You'll never know if they can give you the most invaluable piece of advice.

be better

The world's your oyster.
Well, yes. And there's Absolutely a chance that the oyster is not fresh, and you get the runs afterwards.
Are we supposed to be trusting, kind natured, take people for their words? Or should we jump in to penalizes another individual and be so insecure about verbal agreement that everything has to be in black and white?
Apparently, the latter.
Well, spare me no thoughts as this is just Rantings about how in the early morning, someone chose to blast his head off, into my ears. And during the confrontation, all I can think of, is profanities. The world is a vicious world. People are just waiting for your downfall and step on you when you are already down. What's the best? Is that you can do nothing about it. When you try to give others the benefits of the doubts, they will think of ways to protect themselves, and hurting you in the process.
I understand the whole cover-your-ass part, what I don't is, when in a perfect professional settings, why does the reprimand so very unprofessional that it's almost personal attacks. Really?
I admit I do not have an eye for details, it's almost painful to admit given the effort I put in to be such, but please don't make it personal. I will not do anything to anyone, oF course, so I'll need to rant so that I would not go crazy.
I remember when a smile goes a long way, and when you have nothing good to say, don't say. These values seemed so distant and obscure that it is no longer applicable in this dog-eat-dog world.

Have a nice day!

写封信给十年后的自己

亲爱的自己，

这是二十九岁的你，写给三十九岁的你的一封信。
想要问问你，过得怎样呢？ 快乐吗？
希望你已经领略了心中的平静，因为，时间的熏陶，让你像一瓶成年好酒，日益优越。你是否发现你以前所重视的东西，其实可有可无？
你是否展翅高飞，离家去闯荡世界了？ 你看过了几个山脉？到过了尼泊尔了吗？
你学会爱人了吗？ 遇到让你可以抛弃一切去牺牲的人了吗？ 希望你是幸福的。
二十九岁的你，忧郁，沉闷，怕事，健忘，冲动。
希望三十九岁的你，以上的形容词再也不适合你。
你还记得 butterfly effect 吗？世界一端的一只蝴蝶挥动翅膀，足以在世界的另一端引起旋风，你过去的每一个决定足以蒲陈你现在所拥有或失去的每一个人事物，所以依然要慎言慎行。
不过不要忘了世界是你的游乐场，每一个经历都是你的云霄飞车和旋转木马，尽情的享受那过程吧，因为人生的每一个时刻，都只能活一次，没有得倒带重来。

谢谢你过得好。晚安。

透视眼

想想, 如果我有双透视眼, 不晓得会快乐还是难过啊。

每个人都有自己自主的权利, 自己与别不同的想法。这绝对是基本的人权。然而, 有些人, 不喜欢把想法说出来, 却在背后做许多的小动作。跟这种人接触, 好累。一天工作下来, 就在一味地猜测他究竟是何想法。你就开始希望你有猜心的能力。

当你一旦有了这能力, 你以为所向无敌了, 任何人耍的心机你都能看得透。突然间, 你无法得到一刻的平静, 因为人的思绪有时太天马行空了, 带着你上山下海, 可以边看一本书, 头脑却带着你去攀爬一座瀑布。

顿时, 所有的痛苦烟消云散, 所有的快乐人间蒸发, 你发现, 还是普通点得好, 选择太多未必是件好事, 两全齐美, 只是个幌子。

Embrace yourself

I think I've had enough. NO! I know I've had enough. How painful living almost 30years in this world, still not being able to accept myself for who I truly am?

Honestly, I felt my first crush in my secondary school, or what some of you called high school. I was fourteen. I thought we were gonna be BFF. but, it turned out that people around us realised it was a kittle more than that, and started talking, thats where the distance begin to widen somehow. And I had no idea what happened, until years later, one of my good friend told me so. In fact, I hadn't the slightest idea that it was a crush, well, being in a co-ed school, all these are probably taboo anyways.

It was only until when I was seventeen, I was involved in a school event, that eventually leading me to meet my first love( or puppy love), that was when I realised my lack of interest in boys or relationship with boys, I had thought I was so emotionally retarded, that I'll most likely be alone. And nope, didn't work out well even. Just held hands and peck on the cheeks, thats all. But hey, thats how I came to understand the meaning of being in love. How all the physiological factors like gender, doesnt matter any more, it's only about who the other person is.

What do you think?

Coming back stronger

At some points of time in life, it's very normal to feel that you'd reach the threshold of pains that you can bear with silently. No one could dispute that.

And that's the reason why everyone will need a 'Off' time. To become self-absorbed, spending time with just yourself, do some thinking that you probably do not have the luxury of time during your other times, because there is always something important happening all the time.

On our regular days, we have a business facade, a side of us that only business associates would have seen us in, and it is extremely taxing to try to keep that up all the time, so we need to make use of our 'Off' times to recharge. To do the things you really enjoy, probably, sports, singing, writing. Whatever that calms your mind and make you who you are.

Sometimes, even doing nothing can be therapeutic, because you are not exactly doing nothing, your mind keeps wandering, and you'll perhaps find out more about yourself in this idle time.

如果

有人曾经告诉我, 世界上最毒的果就是如果。
人, 常常活在自怨自艾的状态。不满足, 就是人类的天性。而后悔, 就会随之降临。仿佛, 回头看就会让自己好过些。但是, 世事往往事与愿违。

如果, 我用心点读书。
如果, 我不那么意氣用事。
如果, 我对我的前任更好点。
如果, 我不那么冲动辞去那份工作。
如果, 我买了那次的大彩。

但是, 没有如果。我们的能力再优越, 也不可能把时空倒转, 回到我们最悔恨的时间点, 把那件, 扭转了我们人生的大事, 从新再来一次。说真的, 尽管我们能如此奇迹般回到过去, 只要周遭的人事物依然如夕, 相信我们应该会重蹈复轍, 让历史一而再地重复。知道像什么吗? 就像一位车手在一场车赛中, 他的目光一直停留在往后镜, 而不是前方的终点, 一直想着, 最后造成輕则伤, 重则亡的下场。

所以, 别再想着如果了。人生不像演戏, 没有得重來, 活在今天, 活出当下, 自然会发现, 人生, 不虚此行了。再活在如果之中, 最终只会自食其果罢了。

GRASP

Its amazing how through my journey since I stepped out into the society, take on the world's challenge, and went into many different fields of work. I've learnt a lot of things, soft skills, hard knowledge, but truly, human memories sometimes can be not as trustworthy as you'd like it to be.

I remembered conducting training about how a career in sales can be sustainable through a certain set of core values, doing it day in day out, I never would have thought I'd forget about it, until this morning. As I was trying to think of ways to make my current work better, I remembered these Acronyms, and I hadn't the slightest idea what it meant, just me staring at the letters and it back at me. And the best part? It has only been a year, since my previous career.

So, I figured I shall now blog it, so that it is in writings, and I can refer back to it as and when I require some refreshment course. Bear with me. Or better, I hope it helps you too.

G.R.A.S.P

GETTING ALONG WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE
We have all heard the sayings, birds of the same feather flock together. Same goes in  life, you're as good as your team. Associating yourself with the right people will allow you to adapt your perspective to the right course, be around people whom you want to be like. Don't try to change people whom refused to be changed. They are the ones who'll diss you ambitions and believe you're not going to go anywhere in life, just like they are. They are toxic, dreams stealers, leaners.

RESPONSIBILITY Take charge,  take ownership of your life. Understand that no one cares for your future as much as you do. Your achievement in life depends on what you do, not what your neighbours or your siblings do. I once had a teacher told me this, be so good at what you do that you are indispensable. And in order to do so, the onus is on you to keep doing better than you did yesterday,  be better than yourself yesterday.

ATTITUDE
There's a cliché quote I've read somewhere that says, Your attitude determines your altitude in life. And you know what? Its true, many entrepreneurs or successful individuals do not have it good for them right at the start of their endeavours, contrary to popular beliefs, they were dealt so many lousy hands, had so many painful experiences that when they were given lemons, they made lemonade. Their hard work overcompensate their disadvantages that they became wildly successful. When things start to go their ways, they don't stop, they just kept running. 

SYSTEM

Every things function with a system, just like the sun rises at dawn, sets at dusk. In order to achieve any level of success, there must be some system set in place so that everything is duplicable, and that is the main reason why some businesses grow to a huge scale and some business simply find it hard to take off. The more defined the system is, the more it can be copied. Its exactly the reason why companies like IKEA are earning bucks by the millions, because of the products that they sell, be it in their showrooms, or when you bring it home to assemble yourself, it is going to look the same, and this is what people appreciate, predictability. 

PROFITABILITY

And, by achieving the above-mentioned, be it in an organization or in an individual, it is certain that profitability is either presenting itself, or in the pipeline. And in order to make sure you are profitable, you must know your numbers. chart your own statistics, be aware of your own rates of closure. This is so that you do not base your success and profitability on your psychological state, for example, my lover gave me encouragement today, I feel like a winner, I am profitable. No. No such things, everything is a Number Game, numbers are your attempts, numbers are your results, Numbers, are what matter. Not your emotions. 

Alright. So basically, I just had a refresher course on GRASP. And I now understand the concepts at a deeper level. Cheers! 

The journey

Everyone has a different journey in Life, came from different places, headed for different ways, wants different kind of experiences along the way, hold dear to different values in their hearts.
No two persons could be the same. How you turn out to be depends largely on the things your journey threw in your way, and the ways you'd reacted or responded.
So, I want to share 3 things I'd have to have in my life journey!

1. Enthusiasm
This is so simple that most forgot about it, but enthusiasm, and the hunger and curiosity of Life, are the things that when goings get tough, and you know you can't run, these positive reinforcement make it easier, and make you feel tough enough to get going. Sometimes, its like a placebo effect, you just have to fake it till uiu have it.

2. Failures
I'm re-reading a book, Failing Forward by John C Maxwell. I'm sure you'll know how the word, Failure, has such extensive negative connotations, that people all around fought hard to avoid this. Seriously, if you dont feel failure at all, you're probably not living enough, the world is so unpredictable and uncontrollable, things get out of hands ever so often. We have to put failure into perspective,  treat it as an isolated incidents and not take it personally. 

3. Travelling
Travelling is so liberating. Where you can just momentarily forget who you are and see the world for what its worth. Let your hair down and enjoy what the world's has to offer.

fear

Fear. Or the super positive people like to say its not that real, it exists entirely in your imagination. But, no matter how courageous you are, there's bound to be something in your system, imagination or whatever, that you simply can't face up to. That something that when it creeps into your life,  you can't help but to look the other way and pretend that its not there, and never was there.

Me,  I'm afraid that when I die, I'll just be the me, today. I dont do self hurting or secret cutter or the likes of it, but I dont exactly, like myself to be just this way. Its disappointing, to feel like I'm a liability all the freaking time.

You know you hurt inside, you feel like running away. You feel like all the crap has no meaning. But, suddenly, you'll feel the pull factors of life. The books you bought that was supposed to make you better, now, accumulating dust in the corner, waiting for you to flip it open again.

So, to be or not to be....?

Reverie

reverie

ˈrɛv(ə)ri/

noun

1. 1.

   a state of being pleasantly lost in one's thoughts; a daydream.

   "a knock on the door broke her reverie"

   synonyms:

   daydream, daydreaming, trance, fantasy, vision, fancy,hallucination, musing

   this is an amazing word. 

   
   

   After being in this world for a while now, you'll soon realise that Life isn't exactly a bed of roses. 

   There's supposed to be pains, sufferings, hardship, just so that you'll start to remember and feel the esctasy of all the good things that has happened to you, but this euphoric sensation usually sets in after the bad part is over. 

   
   

   And before its over, you'll usually be in a state of self-pitying, agonizing moments just wishing that everything is just a fleeting moment, that the world would soon end. But, however you hang on and wait, its just doesn't seem like it will be happening anytime soon, then you finally decide that you've had enough, stretch out your hands and drag yourself out of this abyss of darkness. Knowing that only you yourself has the power to give yourself the death sentence, and you, apparently, are not quite ready for that, as yet. 

   
   

   Sometimes, pain won't go away as you keep thinking about it. it will take a little bit of patience. Sometimes, you just have to wait it out. While waiting, probably allow yourself to slip into the reverie of goods that have happened, or the incoming goodness that you perceive for your life. 

Dawn’s Life List 24/03/2014

1.    Learn Spanish
2.          Go travelling in Different Countries. Korea. Japan. Nepal. Vatican. Ireland. Africa. London. USA. Vietnam. Philippines. Indonesia. Cuba. Mongolia.
   3.      Learn to let go. Understand that Life doesn’t always go the way you want it to, and there’s probably nothing much that could be done about it. The things that are being let go might seem like a huge change, but you’ll never know, it could be the most positive change that could happen.
   4.      Talk to people nicely. Being quick-tempered is a shortcoming that can be overcome if you would just think before speaking. Do not be so quick to judge and snap. People don’t know how you feel and what you are experiencing, they don’t deserve to be abused because you had a bad day.
   5.      Smile. Even when you don’t feel like it. Being bitter doesn’t stop bad things from happening in your life. But, a smile will energize you and make it easier to face the challenges ahead of you, as compared to doing things glumly with a slouch.
   6.      Allow yourself time to be with yourself. You’ll be amazed at the power of a long walk all by yourself. The solitude gives you the capacity to handle all the clutters in your life.
   7.      Learn to say No. it seems so simple that it’s almost idiot-proof. But not many people can stand the looks of disappointment and dismay in others’ eyes. That’s why they find it hard to reject. Not saying to be close-minded to opportunities, but rather the temptations which could really take your time away from things you really want to do, as opposed to things others want you to do.
   
   

Forever alone

I love to watch drama. A lot.
I love to read. A lot.
All because it puts me in the state of mind of the people in the stories.
Because it seems all too interesting. Much better than mine.
People are just more daring, to live their lives. They are not as afraid to be noticed,  as I am, always.
As I watch about people having the love of their lives, I'm envious. Because, I dare not love. I don't feel worthy enough to be loved. And for people who cares about me, I feel that they are looking at the wrong person, and I do everything in my way to push them away. Sad, isnt it?
I'm always thinking perhaps, I'll have the love of my life one day. But I think I'll be too coward to do anything about it, probably let it slip away as well. Because its painful enough to keep disappointing myself,  leave other innocent souls out of it.
Oh. Maybe I'm just thinking too much? 
Maybe, I'm just gonna be another person unnoticeable by the world.
Live. Work. Eat. Die. Forever. Alone.

为什么要说话?

有时候很想沉默。
不。多数的时候很想这世界除了音乐没有别的声音。
不想说话, 为什么也错了。
难道就不能接受我就是个沉默寡言的人吗?
We all love to think we are not alone, that human beings are creatures who live in communities. Communication is so overrated. Why are we talking to impress all the time? Its awfully tiring, isn't it?

When can I truly be the quiet introverted person I like to think I can, live alone. Not talk to anyone, and spend my days like that on month's ends?

And why is it that when someone chooses to keep mum, people will start to assume that there's something wrong? I'm just trying to be me.

Some people likes to talk. Some just don't. And unfortunately I happen to fall into the category of the latter. That's why I strongly believe I should get out and live alone. That way, I wont irk anyone by just being who I am.

Enough said. Good night!

sometimes it's just so hard

Really, I never thought I'll do this, start another blog so that people who don't look hard enough, wouldn't really find out who I really am.

I just want to say my piece without being judged.

Seriously, life sucks.

Everyone always love to think they know themselves well.
But, do they really? Do I really?

I had a stable job when I graduated, I had it good in fact. Money isn't a big issue, at all. But I was proud. I thought I'm special, and I want to be special. This is the part where you allow other people to talk you into a dream of theirs, making you think it is what you want in life. Walking a path of disdain, becoming judgemntal of other people when all they wanted were to be normal. then, all the downhills, life going haywired.

Struggling to make ends meet, and still too coward to admit that perhaps being normal can be a blessing too.